I realise that it's a bit late in the year for resolutions, being as we're now mid-way through January. So I decided instead of making resolutions which for me are a bit too much like absolutes, I'm going to try and change a few of my habits.
1 - Eat healthier.
Like most women in their 30's I've tried a few diets over the years; Weightwatchers and the 5 2 diet have been for me the most successful. The problem I've found with Weightwatchers is that to get access to their info you have to be prepared to pay a monthly fee which we're just not in the financial position to be able to do. 5 2 worked but I have to admit that after a couple of months I found it really boring; on fasting days I was eating the same thing again and again and I found that I was spending all day obsessing about found. Not a good mental state to be on. I know other people for whom it has worked wonders but in the end I decided that it just wasn't for me.
Part of the reason I think that I've always put the weight back after a while is because I like to snack way too much. Also psychologically being on a diet wasn't doing me any good as it left me feeling incredibly guilty if I failed it. So instead my first New Year habit is to eat healthier. I'm using myfitnesspal.com to help keep track of how much I'm eating but I'm trying to to get too obsessed about about; if I go over one day then it's not a big deal.
2 - Write everyday
For as long as I can remember I have enjoyed writing (well I was hardly likely to start something like this if I hated it!) As a little girl I would fill notebook after notebook with random short stories and my degree is in English and Writing. Unfortunately I'm incredibly easily distracted and unless I have a specific deadline for something I find it very hard to get motivated to do anything. So my second habit is to write everyday. Just a little at first, 20 minutes or so after I've dropped F off at school. Over time I hope to get into the routine of writing more and more and who knows, eventually I might actually finish something I'm working on!
3 - Get the house in order
One thing that I hate more than anything else is tidying up. It's boring, monotonous and never ending. It is also unfortunately a necessary evil. I recently found the website unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ which recommends doing it in 20 minute stints. I've been trying to do at least 3 a day and so far have been pretty successful. Hopefully by doing this the house will slowly get to the place that I'd like it to be in.
4 - Be kinder to myself
For the last 6 years or so I've been suffering on and off with severe social anxiety and depression. For me the two go hand in hand; my social anxiety leads me to dread any sort of contact with people, even those I've known for years. This in turn leads to an increasing sense of isolation which leaves me depressed.
I've recently finished a course of cognitive behaviour therapy which was very helpful. It taught me that I can cope with meeting new people, a thing that until recently would make me so anxious that I would feel physically sick at the thought of it. It also taught me that I need to be nicer to myself; negative thoughts are re-enforced by repetition. Likewise so are positive ones. It won't be easy - after all I've got years of practice in being horrible to myself - but hopefully eventually I'll get to the place where I'll be able to say, 'You know, maybe I'm not sure a bad person after all.'
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